Being the bigger person

Let's ask ourselves this question.... when do we stand up and be the bigger person??? No matter what the scenerio is, big or small...when do WE make that choice for ourselves? Well, my friends...I have done that. And I am sooooo proud of myself! It is truly a great feeling when you do the right thing.




Here is the deal...after finding out about my daughter being hurt by another child, it changed many aspects of life as we knew it. I now trust no one. I know this. My kids know this. My family knows this. Everyone knows this. It is what it is and this will not change. When you have children, you have a fear for people hurting your children (pedophiles) who are adults...you never fear another child for christ sake. Well, after all has been said and done, naturally...those who have done wrong are very quick to try to defend themselves. Tell lies. This exact thing has happened in our situation. People/neighbors which we have been friends with for quite some time oddly backed off. There were looks. There were whispers. It was awful. I knew I did not say anything to anyone about the situation - I wanted to protect my daughter and her privacy...our privacy as a family. BUT...this other mom, decided it would be a dandy idea to tell others what happened. Not such a spiffy idea in my mind.



Well, about two weekends ago...it all came to a head. People (adults) were not very nice to my daughter(s)...or to me. It was insane. Well, it was time to confront a few of those very immature, misinformed people. There were tears (of course on my part) as I still refused to give details about the events that happened (which I walked in on) but basically told them they were so wrong and misinformed about what was going on. Making them see that they are (or should be) adults and my daughter is 6...SIX!!!!!!! She was a victim. She did nothing wrong. I could not protect her now but I'll be damned if someone thinks even for a second that I won't protect my daughter(s) now. I did not know how things were going to be after that weekend.



Well, this past weekend, I took a stand once again but in a very possitive manner - mature fashion. There was a birthday party for another neighborhood kid. I looked at Tex and said "come on...let's go...let's do it". He looked at me in shock and said "okay, as long as you are comfortabe, I will be there with you" ( I so love this man...he is always by my side and always supports me ) I took a deep breath (put on a little lip gloss) and just walked over to the neighbors house and said hi. I was nervous. I wanted to vomit. My tummy hurt. :-o I was shaking. My heart was racing. I was soooo out of my comfort zone. No one outside responded... I went inside, I tried it again. I dislike conflict very much and did not want any issues. I was not there to cause problems. I was there for a friend and her sons birthday party. I came back outside and chit chatted for a bit with Tex and another neighbor. Anyway...it was like a switch was flipped. All of a sudden, that day - things felt okay. I felt okay. We were no longer shut out. Tex has not really been shut out regardless because these are his neighbors. But my daughters and I were no longer on the outside. WHEW! I initiated conversation. I acted as though things were okay. Normal. Next thing we know, we are invited to another neighbors house that evening. HUH??? ; ) This was a huge shock for me and for him.



I finally feel like I can let go of a little stress - my kids would feel that. They knew. They can finally start to be kids again. Play. Run. Laugh. Of course I am still VERY protective of them and that will not change but I can at least start to not be so up tight. My advice to you all...be the bigger person. What do you have to lose? Nothing. You have everything to gain. Pride in yourself. You would be amazed as to how this can make you feel. It is all about attitude.

Keep Calm and Carry On.... ;)

Therapy...

Therapy. Hmmm. This can be a very sensitive topic to many people. I don't see having to goto a "therapist" or a "counselor" a bad thing, it is just a very difficult step to take. First off, during my divorce I went to a counselor/therapist (whatever you want to call it) and had a wonderful experience. I remember walking into her office and not knowing what to expect. It was quiet, it was welcoming, calm music was playing. Not the dreaded elevator kind but more like Enya type. Very soothing to the soul. The lights were dim. It smelled nice. I was comfortable. I was calm. Well, therapy went very good for me at that time. I had great feeling about it. It helped me. I would go back...but she does not work with children (damn).

Wellllllllllll.....yesterday was a completely different story. Let me paint this picture for you. I pull up to this building and could not figure out where I needed to go. It was in a older part of this town we were in so it seemed a little run down and old. Not dangerous...just OLD. This womans daughter has a holistic shop downstairs but there was no direction as to where WE should be going. The door was open. We walked in. We were in the holistic shop. It was quiet. No one was there. There was a staircase...I started to walk up the stairs... My kids were scared. They wanted to leave. We proceeded up the stairs and saw there was a clipboard on the table with all of my daughters information on it. I grabbed it. Filled it out. Waited. OMG! It was as though I had traveled back in time - it was the 70's!!!! Anyway, out walked a teenager with this woman. She said "hi" and walked into another room. We waited. She came back out and looked at my information. She asked that my youngest and I step into another room but my oldest (who is only 8yrs old) had to wait by herself in this other area. OMG!!!! In a nut shell...this therapist spilled her tea all over the office floor - TWICE (for all I know, it was whiskey and coke) lol - she would not let my youngest goto the restroom and told her that she needed to do that before therapy...not during, she had me talk about the issue at hand right infront of my little girl. It was hard. I cried. To see my little girl sitting there, with her eyes held tightly closed, her fingers in her ears - it tore me apart. I did not feel as though we needed to go over what she experienced right infront of her. UGH! She was not at all what I expected.

I feel like I am back at square one and don't know where to turn.... (breathe) I believe I need to continue to search for the right therapist for us because I can assure you that this old building with a musty smell is NOT somewhere that we belong. Not at all...

Keep Calm and Carry On...

Keep Calm and Carry On...

What a very interesting phrase. I found this book on another bloggers site today and it caught my attention. I sat there. I looked at it. I processed what it said. It was simple. I felt as though I fell upon this blog for a reason. I have not blogged since my last post for a reason. I have been at a loss for words and did not quite know what to say on my page. However, I know for me, for my daughter, for my family...I must keep calm and carry on.

We have our very first counseling appointment today. I am scared. I am worried. I still have so much anger inside me but I hope I can get over that soon. Things will get better, I know it in my heart. Today has to be that day. Today has to be the day things start to get better.

Anger....guilt

Anger. Is this even enough to describe what I am feeling? Today, I am angry. I am so mad, I could scream. Inside, I am crying...I am screaming...I am hurt...I am ANGRY! A few weeks ago, I found out something horrible...something unimagineable. I found out that someone (another child - girl, 4yrs older than my daughter) was hurting my daughter. I am furious. I am crying inside for my little baby. How do I get over this anger? How do I move on? It has consumed me. How can I help her when I can't even help myself? How do I know she is okay. I mean, really okay. It has flipped our lives upside down. I trust no one. I have hate built up inside me. I have guilt thought I know I shouldn't. I wish this whole situation would go away. I wish this other child would go away. I have never been this angry in my life. I wish I could just say so much to this other child but I have to remember that she is still a kid. I hate her. I see her face when I drive. When I sleep. When I work. I see her everywhere. I want to write her a letter. I want her to understand what she has done. I hate feeling this way. I want to wake up from this nightmare. Please tell me I am asleep...please.

LOVE

Love... love can mean so many things. People use this word to describe their feelings toward another person, a material item, a car, a color and even a food. A great example of this is the love that I carry deep inside my heart (and tummy) for....CHOCOLATE! OH MY GOODNESS! I can't get enough. However, since beginning to change my eating habits, I have not had any mini Hershey's or Dove Caramel Promises since the beginning of August. I have lost 8lb so far and am so excited. How in the world does a girl replace this love that sits deep within her heart? Well, ladies...let me tell you EXACTLY how this can be done. It is the ULTIMATE chocolate...it is a chocolate that never goes away...it is a chocolate that SPARKLES! Yes, I said "SPARKLES". It is the CHOCOLATE DIAMOND!



I am so happy to say that I am now engaged and have chocolate diamonds wrapped around my finger and the perfect man wrapped around my heart...life is great!

Tex proposed to me on 8/14/2010

I love this man with all my heart...

Friends...

friend
(noun)
1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
4. One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement: friends of the clean air movement.



I have AMAZING friends. I find myself surrounded by friends who truly care about me and my daughters. Friends who would do anything for me. I have friends who would even kill these TEXAS SIZED TREE ROACHES which are so common. ICK! In the past few years, I have have really learned what the TRUE meaning of friendship is. I believe anyone who has gone thru a move (to another state), a break up or a divorce really learns the true meaning of friendship very quickly. Ten years ago, I moved to Texas from Illinois..not knowing a single soul. Sure, I moved here and made "work friends" but really had no REAL friends that I could go out to dinner with, talk to or hang out with. I found myself surrounded by wives of my husband (at the time) and had nothing in common with any of them except watching the guys play softball and drink beer (and tons of it).



Since my divorce, needless to say, I do not speak with any of those wives who claimed to be friends with me. In this past 2 years, I have made some AMAZING friends....friends who are like a family to me. I am so grateful to have so many friends surrounding me who are just as loving and caring as I am. I am so blessed to have this circle of friends...you all know who you are! I love each of you and thank you for being the amazing friends that you are...

My Carriage turns into a Pumpkin at 11:00pm

Okay, allow me to amuse you... (again, this blog entry all ties into my page title)

So, during my divorce (oh, what an ugly ugly time) my "husband" at the time was trying to figure out (with the assistance of his BITCH attorney) how to continue to control my every move. Well, he sure got his money's worth out of her...she was able to locate a "Morals Clause" for him to add into our decree. You see, he had this major fear that I would have a boyfriend and want to sleep over there with my girls or possibly have him stay at my house. So, to ensure that THAT would NEVER happen, he was able to have this clause added into our decree. Now, for the record, before I continue and before anyone can pass judgement on me....I am ALL FOR protecting my children, there is no question about that. I live and breathe for my daughters. I DO NOT however, need my EX or the State of Texas telling me that I an not "ALLOWED" to have "anyone with whom I am having an intimate dating relationship with; in the place in which I reside (when my children are present) between the hours of 11pm and 6am". What this means is that if my daughters and I are anywhere (does not matter if it is my house or a friends house etc..) and my boyfriend is present...well guess what, we have the leave by 11pm OR I can get in some serious legal trouble and be held in contempt of court!!!! Do you believe this hogwash???? Like I said, I can understand the reasons for this, there are so many dangerous people out there but for christ sake!!! I have to be penalized for some irresponsible parenting by people who have shown reasons for such a clause to be added into their decree. Not to mention the perverts out there (yep, I am watching you on watchdog.com and all the DPS website to know where all the pedophiles are located). I did it before I moved to know if there were any close to my house, school, church etc.. and will continue to do this to be an informed parent to again, protect my children.

Anyway, a couple years later...I of course find myself in a serious relationship which has been with an amazing man (I will refer to him as Tex). I find myself having to say 'sorry babe, we gotta go...it's 11pm". Geeez

Well, I was able to get over it and Tex is so supportive of my situation as he is also a divorced parent. He does not have this "clause" however, he understands the control factor as his ex was pretty controling herself. As the months passed, we were able to figure life out and figure out how we could spend some time together "sleepovers" if you will. Things were working great, we had our "program"...the weekends that my kids were with their dad, I would spend that weekend with Tex and his daughter. It was great! Well, well, well...Mr. Control decided that THIS was not going to happen. Can you guess what happened next? After being stalked, having my car scratched etc... Mr. Control decided that he would stop seeing his kids. Yes, I said STOP SEEING HIS KIDS to ensure that I could never sleep over at Tex's house again!!!! He is a class act for sure.

Can someone please shed light as to why someone would do this????? My heart breaks for my kids as they have done nothing wrong and of course don't understand. I can't imagine not seeing or talking to my kids.